HOT DAMN BISCUITS SWEET BEJEEZIN CAJUN FRIES

Did I get your attention? I hope so.

Yeah nothing happened. It was not a black-eyed little brat that I saw, just Salem standing there being all creepy and shit. Damn kid, I don't why they let him just wander around wherever it likes. Not exactly normal looking, people might notice. Then again, it's not like I'm one to obey rules so what the fuck ever.

Now, you may be wondering, what does Uncle Ridley have for us tonight? Well gather round chillins, cause it's Uncle Ridley Story Time. Yaaayyyy!!!!

Tonight we gon' go waaaaaaay back, all the way back to good ol' 1940. Pearl Harbor has not yet been bombed so Uncle Sammy ain't yet in the business of killin' Natzees. Not official-like anyhow.

Enter our hero, part of an elite team of American soldiers specially assembled and shipped over to Natzee-land in order to rid it of Natzees. This team is super-duper secret, so secret in fact that they don't even got no name; they just move in, kill Natzees and leave before anyone knows anything has happened. Their mission at the Time of our story? Headin' deep into the Black Forest to capture a Dr. Balthasar von Abendroth. Dr. von Abendroth was a Natzee Mystical Person involved in all kinds of Natzee evil plots and shit. Shut up, I can't be expected to remember all the details.

Our intrepid hero is a young man acting under the codename Sicarius. Though the youngest member of the team, Sicarius was the most skilled and most dangerous of the warriors here assembled. A force to be reckoned with, certainly. After several weeks they had finally managed to track down the location of Dr. von Abendroth's hidden compound: an ancient church deep in the forest, which was not shown on any map. The journey would be perilous, while there should not be many soldiers in the forest, it was possible that von Abendroth would have his own personal guard. But besides this, they had far worse things to fear than simply some crazy Natzees. There were many terrifying and otherworldly things living in the forest.

Sicarius knew this. That was why he was there. Back in the States Sicarius had spent many years fighting against the abominations that sought to end our precious existence. And that was why it was he that was most dangerous, for it would be he that would have to stop von Abendroth's twisted experiments with the occult. But they met no opposition on the way to the hidden base, and so their only problem was with finding the church, which was shown on no map. They had only a general location to go by and that would mean covering quite a large area to find it, and so they were split up into several small groups to cover more ground. After some Time, one of the groups discovered the church and the others were called there. The team assembled, but found that one of the groups had not returned, and they could not be reached by radio. They waited, but they needed to get inside and take care of von Abendroth, and so they entered the church.

Immediately things began to get strange. The church had appeared to be only a very small building, little more than a shack; but upon entering the soldiers found themselves in a vast empty chamber, much much too large to fit inside the tiny building they had just entered. One of the soldiers threw up; he said there was something not right in the air. But they had a mission, and they knew from the start that things would not be easy. They trekked on, going deep into the structure, to where they knew Dr. Balthasar von Abendroth would be waiting. They could just tell in their guts that he would be there, wherever it was they were heading to.

Along the way these valiant warriors encountered many horrible things. Ghosts, apparitions, the screams of phantom victims, or perhaps these were not truly phantom but the real screams of those being subjected to von Abendroth's unholy experimentation. There were grotesque creatures that sneered and laughed at them and tried to grab them for their next meal. But Sicarius had trained his men well and they were able to make it through this twisted circle of hell. Still three of their number were lost: one was killed, the other two vanished into the labyrinth, and all had the feeling that they were being watched constantly.

It seemed like hours, but anon they came to a large wooden door set into a carved stone wall, deep deep within the compound. This was what they had been searching for. The carvings on the wall must have come from some distant, impossible antiquity. Had these their origin in man, or from a Time when man walked the earth at all? Violent scenes of eldritch creatures doing battle with one another were carved into the great, ancient stone wall. The soldiers looked over these scenes and felt unease at one figure that appeared repeatedly and, at the last, appeared the victor of this ancient struggle. Their discomfort sprang from the form of the creature, for it was vaguely that of a man and yet... and yet it was not. It held sinister resemblance to a being described to them in the legends of the local villages.

They had not come to witness these stone carvings, yet they became transfixed. Sicarius snapped himself out of it, he knew what was going on, he knew that these were there to trap them, that if they looked too long and too intently that they would be driven mad. He roused his men from their trance and reminded them of their duty: to open the door. They had brought explosives, which here in this place might do no good had not Sicarius enchanted them, allowing them to break magickal barriers. These were set up on the door, detonated, the door was gone. Sicarius and his  men rushed into the chamber beyond.

Greeting them there, was the form of von Abendroth. He appeared for all the world as a kindly old grandfather type, just a frail old man who could be of no harm to anyone. Yet the smile he wore betrayed evil intent. He had been expecting them, as they knew he would be. It was imperative that they got rid of the old man quickly. They started shooting. The sound of gunshots filled the room, smoke filled the air 'til all was dark. They stopped firing and waited for the air to clear. When it did they could see before them Dr. von Abendroth, bloody and full of bullet holes, but still standing, still that ominous grin across what remained of his face.

"Fools. He is coming. Der Fuehrer cannot control Him. He is going to destroy all of you."

Von Abendroth laughed, he started spewing out blood before collapsing into a heap on the floor. The men were unnerved at this, but Sicarius had heard the ravings of mad wizards before, and that was all von Abendroth was. They began searching the chamber, they needed to figure out what the old man had been working on so that they could destroy it. They would need to use the proper technique for disposing of whatever this was; if they used the wrong thing on it, there could be disastrous results.

Sicarius heard a shout from one of the men. He rushed over to find the Sergeant pointing at a bone. Just a bone, sitting by itself on a worktable over in the corner, with just a note that read The Angel of Death cometh. On a different table nearby were stacks and stacks of papers with von Abendroth's handwriting. Some were neatly written, many were scrawled almost illegibly on the page, and there were various odd letters and symbols which even Sicarius did not recognize. The Sergeant began reading aloud from one of the pages, which appeared to be some kind of journal the doctor had been keeping. It told of his encounter with some creature, some creature that sounded very similar to one they had heard of in the legends of the local villages. He had gone mad trying to tame the creature, trying to capture the creature for Der Fuehrer. He had found a way to summon the creature, he had gone mad and he wanted to end it. The doctor wanted HIM to end it all...

Well, I think that's enough for tonight chillins. You'd all best be gettin' off to bed now. But don't worry, Uncle Ridley promises to be back with the rest of the story tomorrow. Nighty night baby.

Stay frosty. We're always watching.