Friday, May 20, 2011

Yo bitchez, guess who's back

It's Ridley baby! Did y'all miss me? I know you did.

So yeah, I kinda went just a little bit batshit insane back there. I do apologize for that, don't know what could've come over me. No wait, I do. That Lucifer bastard was trying to use me to lure Archy into something, and it done worked too. We're still trying to track him down. And no, I don't remember anything that happened since I read Redlight's post like a month ago.

Shit, really? A whole month? Damn!

So once my mind was back up and running on all cylinders, Phantasm decided I needed to do some work (the horror!) and sent me on back to Archy's old hideout per Eternity's orders. Me an' Maalik (cause he's still in trouble, hehe...) go on down back there and find the house looking completely normal and with no sign of anything having happened there since I left. Boring as hell, or at least it woulda been if it wasn't for something making me feel really uneasy. Maalik sensed it too.

Going inside, we figured out why. Spatial anomalies up the whazzoo, I don't even know how to describe the crazy clusterfuck that was the inside of that house. We managed to find our way to the basement somehow, I don't even know how since we had to go up some stairs to reach it. Anyhow, in that little room where we'd chained up the serial killer man there was some shit written on the walls. In blood, of course. And there was a body. Or rather, there were body parts. Belonging to crazy serial killer man, we determined upon locating the head. It was a very sloppy job, whoever did this took no pride in their work whatsoever. I was greatly disgusted at it.

We turned to leave and found the door had scadooed. Then the writing on the walls had changed and the door relocated itself behind us. It lead into that office building, some kind of conference room to be precise. We stepped out, since we didn't have nowhere else to go and hell, we weren't lettin' that damn room change around on us again. There was a big table in the center of the room, chairs all around it, a couple dead old guys propped up in em, lookin' like the grandpa in that movie with the crazy ass hicks tryin' to eat some teenagers. Great film.

Out the windows it looked out over a cityscape, completely normal you'd never guess that the space-time all around you was being raped. Maalik was lookin' at one of the dead old dudes while I was lookin' out the window at the streets below. Little cars and people moving down the streets. Then I realized that somehow, they really were little cars and little people, we were on the ground floor and everything outside was just a little doll cityscape. Maalik yelled at me, I turned to see the dead old guys apparently weren't quite dead 'cause they had gotten to their feet now and one of them had grabbed Maalik and seemed to have a much stronger grip than you'd expect from a corpse.

Naturally, I pulled out my gun and shot into the thing's head and eventually it released Maalik. the others had mobilized by this time however and as they were in between us, well that was that. I turned and jumped thru the window, just on a gut feeling, the glass shattered and I fell. We weren't on the ground floor anymore apparently, of course it didn't look like I was outside the building either. I was falling down some kind of maintenance shaft with wires and piping all over. Then I was not falling anymore, gravity had shifted and I was now standing on one side of the shaft, with lights flickering above my head. I walked on down the shaft, having nothing better to do and out of somewhere, crazy serial killer guy jumped out and was standing right in front of me.

"Oh hallo, Ridley, hows ya doin'? It'll be a rite time we'll haff here won't it?"

I drew my knife, he was already coming at me with his. Stabbed the dude in the neck, shoulda cut the jugular, he didn't go down, puts his knife thru my hand. Son of a bitch. I kick the foo in the face, knock him back, pull the knife out and plant it firmly into his heart. He's still going, lunges at me, I fall back to dodge it and then there's a gunshot; I turn around to see Maalik behind me down the tunnel. Crazy man got, is now just gone. I look around, I'm back up in that conference type room, no dead guys around, but there is a lot of blood soaked into the carpet now. I go out the door and into a hallway. I can hear this noise sort of... tekelilili. What the balls? It's comin' from the one end, so I follow it and it keeps gettin' louder and louder til eventually I come to a door, the sound obviously coming from the other side.

So I open the door. The noise stops. And I'm looking at myself. Balls. Yes people, I walked in on myself ducking behind a barrier of office furniture trying to avoid being shot by some asswipe in a trenchcoat. The nerve. Not having been detected yet, I decided it was only proper that I help myself. So I shot trenchcoat man in the balls and went over to greet me. It's not often I run into anyone so good-looking, especially in a place like this.

"Hey there, nigga, you looking fine. What're you doing in a place like this?"

"Hey man, you too. You know how it goes, business and all that. I remember you, you're here with Maalik, right? Crazy shit."

"I don't think I like the sound of that. You mean, crazy shit now? AND I'm going to be coming back here later? That blows."

"S'how it goes. But hey, lemme help you out. You just walk on through them doors over there, you'll get to where you need to be."

"Mighty neighborly of you. Hope to be seeing you again."

Leaving myself to leave through the door I just entered through, I head on through the appointed door. To be greeted by Maalik screaming in rage. I'm in the basement and he's hacking the serial killer guy to pieces. The same pieces we saw when we first arrived maybe, but who the hell knows anymore. He looks up at me with this just blank expression on his face, and said

"I had to kill him, boss, he knew too much boss, right boss? Kill him. He knew TOO FUCKING MUCH!!!!"

Then I swear to Jeeves the sound just cut out. Like when y'all're watching them videos with the Master in them and the sound goes out? It was like that. Then I just see part of Maalik's skull get blown away and he drops to the ground. In the door behind him is that runner, the dude. Uh, Dave, he was called. Standin' there at the top of the stairs with a gun, which he fires a second time, down at me now. I try to move, but it still catches me in the shoulder. Ignoring this, I chased after him and am caught off guard by the sudden return of sound when he yells

"Shit! Sis' move it, he's coming back again!"

And then I'm back in the house, looking completely normal and I see him making for the back door, the girl already outside. I give chase, following them through the backyards for a while. Lost the bastards when we made it out of the suburbs and into the city, couldn't find em in all the damn traffic. Bastards.

Well, that was that then. I got my phone, was gonna call Phantasm and tell her I think Maalik was dead but I really had no damn clue, when I notice the date. Says it's the 19th, when we'd gone in there it was the 14th. Son of a whore. Just got back in Maine, gave the report to Phantasm. Don't know what the hell happened to Maalik, wait a couple days I guess, whatever. The runner was real enough so I suppose it coulda been that that was the real Maalik  that got shot there.

So there you go folks. Exciting isn't it? I know you're all much concerned about me, you love hearing from me don't you? I know you do.

And uh, Archangel too, cause this is like, his blog so yeah.

Stay frosty peoples, we're always watching.

1 comment:

  1. Maine? MAINE!?!? oh god! if someone asks you if you have any Prince Albert in a can, RUN! And watch out for sky-ginas!